#ENTER THE NINJA 3 MOVIE#
Whether or not they knew how dated that would make the movie seem within a few years is anybody’s guess, though. KL: My theory is that they decided to cut production costs by just shooting in the actual prop department. This all happens before the ninja starts hijacking her body, which, Jim, I would love to hear your take on. I was totally, unironically sold on her until, after Billy creeps on her by harassing her with phone calls and tailing her to her apartment, then pretending to arrest her for breaking up a fight- all while she loudly tells him to get bent-she finally just caves and lets him into her apartment for a very racy scene involving some strategically placed V8 juice. Because this is The Most ’80s Movie Ever, Christie has big floofy hair, moonlights as an aerobics instructor, and has a freaking Patrick Nagel painting in her room. Bravo, casting! And she even seems to respond to piggish behavior on the part of men with independence and clear rejection! Our oily male lead, Officer Billy Secord, aggressively hits on her as she tries to leave the station after police question her and fails to pick up both her complete lack of interest and the faraway look in her eyes she gets whenever she has flashbacks of the police who killed the ninja. It is perfectly plausible to think a person of her statuesque body type would choose a career as a utilities line worker. As for Christie, I have to hand the makers of this mess one thing: The actress who portrays her, Lucinda Dickey, may not have the greatest acting chops in the world, but she convincingly looks like, were she to be possessed by the malevolent spirit of a ninja assassin, she would be physically capable of pulling off feats of strength and acrobatics. KL: I found the chintziness of that opening charming in a way, like they really were giving it their best shot. But he’s not dead! He lives long enough to pass his cursed sword on to our heroine, Christie, who has the opportunity to run away but just, like, sits there and listens to the ninja’s chanting while he dies. Unless I completely missed it, I don’t think we’re ever told why these two people needed to go, are we? Anyway, this 13-minute intro sees him utterly massacring like, 20 cops before he falls in a hail of gunfire. He makes the bold tactical choice to off them during a golf game in a public place while they are accompanied by several armed guards. In any event, he apparently needs these ancient throwing stars and swords and dart guns to carry out a hit on a pair of rich yuppies.
I guess this was during that time Tokugawa Ieyasu sent ninja to spy on Native American tribes. We join a sinister-looking guy who, I guess somewhere in the desert of the American West, retrieves some stashed ninja gear from a cave. Knowing they add nothing actually makes me respect the balls on this film even more. KL: Thank you for preempting my first question, which is what if any context the previous two films might have lent the daring-one might even say STUPID-broad daylight assassination that opens this movie. Such was one of the many unexpected and mysterious delights this movie presented me. And indeed, he then appeared in this movie doing exactly that.
This is indeed “amazing” after a fashion, and not just because my brother, mere hours before I watched it, in a totally unrelated context, joked that directors must ask character actor James Hong to just look at the camera and be Asian. Kenneth Lowe: I did tell you, when you pitched this to me, that “You had me at the Cannon Films logo.” And I was surely not disappointed. Directed by Sam Firstenberg, who also directed Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo IN THE SAME YEAR? How could this be anything but amazing? Jim Vorel: Ken, there’s a certain excitement a man feels when he sees the Cannon Films logo come up at the beginning of an ’80s B movie, is there not? Everything within the opening moments of Ninja 3: The Domination tells us that we’re in for a good-bad time. In this occasional series, they watch and then discuss the fallout of a particularly painful film.
Jim Vorel and Kenneth Lowe are connoisseurs of terrible movies.
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